Do I Stay or Do I Go? A NYC Blind Date Planning Guide: Chinatown Edition

A three-part guide to dumplings, drinks, discussion topics and exit strategies for your Chinatown blind date

A blind date is less a date and more a series of contingency plans.

There is no better neighborhood than Chinatown for supplying a plan B or a plan C. The very nature of the neighborhood – its hidden bars, twisted streets and dark corners — makes it the perfect place for a night when you’re not sure what will happen next, or for when you need to make a swift exit.

I. The place to begin is Forgtmenot, a local joint your mom would probably describe as “eclectic.”

Date conversation topic #1: Whatever happened to Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Forgetmenot has an intimate corner or two and a lot of stuff hanging from the ceiling to look at in case conversation is forced. (Is that a unicorn wearing an apron covered in cats? It is.) And if things get really desperate, ‘90s action movies play on the TV above the bar.

The rule about a first date is you have to stay for at least one drink. Unless you’re my sister, who has gone on two different internet dates where she hasn’t even sat down, instead just saying “no,” and turning around. She can pull this off because she’s six feet tall, covered in tattoos and carries a switchblade. People don’t argue with her, but one guy, who she described as “meaty,” did say she hurt his feelings.

If a second drink has been ordered it’s time to start thinking about next steps. The next step is either going to be food, or a smooth exit.

To exit: there’s a subway right around the corner from Forgtmenot. The F. For a longer exit, the D is on Grand Street a few blocks away. The walk there involves passing an equal number of fruit stands and karaoke bars.

To stay: (oh, it’s going well!), it’s time to think about food. While Forgtmenot has a few good salads on its menu, and a plate of nachos with enough cheese to sink a ship, the key to a first date is to keep it moving.

II. If it’s going well, suggest dumplings at Vanessa’s Dumpling House.

Date conversation topic #2: What’s your go-to karaoke song?

Dumplings aren’t dinner, which means they’re non-threatening. The good dumpling place, which was using its back alley as a kitchen, was closed by the health department. It’s best to go to Vanessa’s Dumpling House, which is too clean for my taste but girls seem to like it.

Date conversation topic #3: When is it ok to use an alley as a kitchen?

If your date’s answer is something like, “Never,” it’s time to bring this date to a close. We like people who know how to have an adventure. Luckily, Vanessa’s has no bathroom. Maybe you’re feeling sick. Maybe you really need a bathroom. Maybe it’s easier to call an Uber and use a bathroom at home.

For the date that answered, “Whenever you have the opportunity,” it’s time for the last phase of the date, which I call The Dark Bar Phase.

Those who don’t live in Chinatown will usually head to Apotheke, where the bartenders are dressed in lab coats and there’s no sign out front. This is an amateur move.

III. Locals head to Mr. Fong’s, also a place with no sign, but with cheap cocktails that are strong and different but not fussy, like an old fashioned made with plums.

Date conversation topic #4: Is a bar with no sign soooooo mid-naughts or still the thing to do?

With a drink in hand at Mr. Fong’s, it’s time for my signature move, which I call Putting-My-Other-Hand-on-Your-Leg-to-See-if-That’s-Cool-or-Nah.

If that’s cool: Is it a nice night? Slam that drink and head down to the river, which is only a few blocks away and promises a romantic stroll along the East River. Maybe there will be kissing. Maybe there will be more.

Not cool: Remember that F train? Two blocks.

Your Stops:

Forgtmenot
38 Division St
b/t Ludlow St & Orchard St
Lower East Side, Chinatown

Vanessa’s Dumpling House
118A Eldridge St
b/t Broome St & Grand St
Lower East Side, Chinatown

Mr. Fong’s
40 Market St
b/t Madison St & Henry St
Two Bridges, Chinatown